It's too hot, too hot....too hot baby. Gotts run for shelter, gotta run for shade..

I really dislike using Blogger on my cell. I am the reigning queen of the run on sentence and it feels a million times worse without a smidge of word wrap. Today is my birthday. Woo-hoo. My beloved was born on my 19th bday,27 years ago today. A lifetime ago I held him for the first time and my world was forever changed. All of the 72 hours of labor and exhaustion melted and I fell in love. I know that I didn't know the meaning of the word until that moment. Every year I get older is another year without him and this year was super tough. However it wasn't the worst bday I have had which is strange considering the challenges that are currently facing me. I had a good night last night and pain hit worse than it has ever been. I think I may have slept for an hour or two all night. Sleep, sleep is my best friend and my worst enemy. It allows me to be numb most of the time and escape the pain and my constant thoughts and self torment. However with my condition if I don't get sleep and quality rest it throws me into a world of pain like no other. The heat and sun today was unbearable. My darling came and took me out to lunch which was very sweet. Came back and slept for about four hours. Woke up wishing I was dead. The complete dispair and desperation of this day is alway tough but the pain is an eleven on a scale of one to ten. My BFF has been so sweet and loving. She even tried to rub my shoulder this am despite her prolly being in much worse pain on her best day than I am on my worst. Then, the texts started from my ex/sometimes current and I need to axe him permanently. How he could start trying to run game on me today of all days. Sick fuck.